I always got really nervous about teaching before. I get little messages from my old students and other dancers in Newfoundland asking me when I'm visiting and if I'll be doing any one-off classes or workshops while I'm in town. I came here to really focus on learning and growing in my own dance, but I keep having so many opportunities to be exposed to new ideas that it would be fun to share them with my "home" dance community when I get the chance.
I felt nervous before every class because I wanted to do the best possible job and give everyone a fun, informative, safe class. I felt like I wasn't "finished" learning to dance so I couldn't possibly pass anything on. I'm starting to realize that nobody is ever "finished" learning to dance, and you should probably steer clear of anyone who claims to be. But sometimes when I think about classes I've taught or performances I did a year ago I want to physically cringe and tear down all remnant videos and images from the internet. No joke.
I was learning and I still am, and it's hard to know when you pass the line between still-learning-and-only-a-student and still-learning-but-ready-to-pass-on-knowledge. I still hope one day I'll just wake up and just feel legitimate, but something tells me that's not quite how it works.
In the meantime, part of me misses having classes. My students were always teaching me interesting things and bringing their experiences in fitness, other dance disciplines and music to the table. A few of them picked up on new ideas so fast, I was barreling ahead myself and practicing more so that I could be a useful instructor. When I taught choreography I loved hearing their ideas about how to express the music. I do sometimes miss that awesome reciprocal relationship and I miss all the individual girls that I taught and the friendships I formed with them.
So I'm going to think on it for awhile. And maybe do a little something at home over the summer :)